Written Word Wednesday
Unfit words of an unfit mother:
I must remind you of who I used to be.
Tattered clothes, money low, to find out that your daddy was using me.
See, you were unplanned. A life not chosen.
And I was a young girl, my hymen not broken.
But he spoke those words, told me he loved me.
Gave me some worth, made it seem like he trusted me.
I fell for the tricks, the flattery and the lies.
Just enough so he could get in between my thighs.
Protection he said, who needs it?
Alcohol breath, he breathes it.
We did it, in his car just once.
Not knowing that determined the next 9 months.
He loved me he said, again without a glint of love in his eyes.
When I told him a baby was coming, we never said our goodbyes.
He left as quick as he came.
And in my stomach was the evidence of shame.
Alone in bed, I cried in my sheets
Had I known the truth would leave me on the streets
I would have aborted the thing before we had the chance to meet.
My parents threw me out, with not a second to spare
And I was alone, with feelings of despair.
I cried out, "Lord, where must you be?"
I sought love in a man who only lusted me.
When your time came, I promised to give you up.
I didn't want you to be in the world of the unloved.
I passed you on to a loving family you deserved.
For 18 years, I was never there for thoughtful words.
But here I am, this unfit mother.
Unfit excuses, another after another.
I know I was never there for your first steps
First words, first day of school, or your first A on a test.
I was always unfit, just like your father.
I left you before I loved you, but you're still my daughter.
And I hope one day, I can be there for your new accomplishments.
Smiling in the crowd, as you get awards and compliments
Because that unfit mother excuse used to fit so well.
But 18 years later, I'm writing these unfit words from a prison cell.
I'm still the failure I used to be.
Didn't change after you came, I think failure is used to me.
This is a letter of sheer apology.
And a lesson, not to live your life on a probably.
If he loves you, he'll never leave you
And you won't be that unfit woman in gynecology.
-Unfit Mother
